"She's Got Her Own Fantasy World..."

In studying all the ways to find success in this Self-Publishing situation, the Indie Author world, one of the big suggestions is to do this and that to let your readers know who you are and why you write how you do about what you do. It got me thinking about why I always go into fantasy, why creating stories and elaborate worlds come very detailed to me, and my own past that shows I usually do just that.

The first time it was brought up that I had my own "Fantasy World" was with a court-appointed counselor. I was incredibly young when my parent's divorced, and though no divorce is good on the kids or easy in any way for anyone involved, this was an incredibly defining aspect of my life, and it was one of my greatest struggles. It continually was the force that pushed against me. More than once it pushed to the ground.

Sometimes it pushed me beneath it.

I can't remember the counselor's name; I never could. I spent extensive time with her as a child after this, but I cannot remember her name or even what she looked like. I can't even remember the room very well. But I can vividly remember the toys she had that I always went for and the scenario I created with the figures. It was the same scenario over and over and over again.

I would take a doll with brown hair like mine and put it on a horse since she had very nice horse figurines. Then I would have the doll be thrown and need to go to a hospital. I remember she had an extensive hospital toy set. Every single session I would make it so this doll was injured and needed to go to the hospital so all her family would come together to take care of her in the hospital. And she would be safe.

My mom later told me that the counselor said she was concerned about how deeply entrenched I would get in "my own fantasy world." She sometimes wanted to talk about other things, and I just wanted my fantasy. I just wanted to be in control of a scenario I made. She was worried that I was substituting Fantasy with facing reality.

We can come back to that later, but on the scenario itself, as an adult, I'm seeing it as really...messed up. I wanted my avatar to be hurt, to be put in a hospital, and that became a recurring theme of my fantasy world as a child and into adulthood, really. As horrible as it might seem (believe me, I know it sounds so wrong), even as an adult I would fantasize about what it would be like to be hurt so badly I had to stay in the hospital. Because then people would have to take care of me. Because then I wouldn't have to worry about anything but myself.

Because then I would know who loved me, and they'd have to put aside all of whatever pettiness they shouldered to show me that love.

So that was it. That was one of the biggest fantasy themes going through my head as early as I can remember. And though I may not remember much about early childhood (concerning), I do vividly remember those fantasies. Vividly. With sharp, distinct form and color.

However, the good thing from this (I guess) was how well I learned to detail fantasy worlds. I often would retreat to all kinds of stories in my head as a retreat. Driving in the car - Fantasize. Lying awake at night - Fantasize. Any spare moment with a second in my own head - Fantasize. My world wasn't how I wanted it. So I turned to the ones I could make, the ones I could control. With so much practice, I got really good at it. Sometimes even my daydreams would be meticulously detailed and built that it became more about building the world and the specific stories, characters, and form of the fancy than it did about actually daydreaming.

To the point where it was sometimes annoying as Hell.

And that is why, when it came down to putting pen to paper in the endeavor to create, it was never a question on genre. It was always going to be Fantasy.