What a title. Christmas is hardly something to "survive." It's a time for celebrating and happiness usually. However, we knew that this was going to be a hard case this year. There were unprecedented challenges this year to be sure. Actually, that is an egregious understatement. There was so much we all wanted to do.
Let's start with the expectations. I was rocking my youngest to sleep underneath the ocean effect of his new nightlight last night after a full Christmas day, and I was reminding myself of something I didn't quite think of for a while. When this started, this terrible nightmare, I certainly didn't think we would be battling this until summer. I thought that by the summer months, we would have gotten enough of our shit together to get back to a relatively normal life. Not the case. Then we were circulating memes about "Don't Mess with My Halloween," and Halloween came and went still locked into isolation. Thanksgiving passed, and we were all making the Christmas plans forgetting, even just for bits here and there, that this isn't normal. We were making sacrificial plans (or at least supposed to be) to survive a Christmas unlike any other we had ever known. Rocking my child last night, my past self from last March talked to my current self last night and acknowledged the fact that this was never something we expected months ago.
At least by Christmas most of us had learned adaptability. There is certainly no doubt that this was not what I would have chosen had the circumstances not been as they were. I would have much preferred to be able to be with my family. Hell, I would have traveled all day to be with as much family as I possibly could have over this holiday if it meant being able to see and hold the people I love and miss so very much. Honestly, I can live with the sacrifice for the greater good. Seeing just how much my own grandpa has changed since his own stint with Covid reminds me so much how careful we all have to be. The one thing that makes the sacrifice harder is the constant reminder on the socials how much others are not willing to sacrifice. Despite warnings, there were still quite a number of pictures and stories, while sweet if the circumstances were different, of gatherings with extended family. Some people are even traveling to Disneyland at this time.
Hey, I get it. This lasted way too long and has been way too hard. Enough is enough, but it is not done just because we want it to be. I feel like I've said this before. Have I said this before? Yeah, I'm sure I have. Well, it's sad that I have to say it again. No, not so much sad; it's infuriating! Listen, I do get it. This has been such a horrendous test of the human soul that is kind of destroying us all with inner rot and decay. However, we aren't done fighting. This is the time that we will have to tell our grandchildren about. And they will come at our stories with the wisdom of hindsight and the knowledge of years removed from the situation. I want us all to be able to speak of our time of great sacrifice with pride and confidence. However, I don't think that as a whole we will be able to do that. My own personal stories will of course say that me and mine did everything we could and got a lot of crap for it, but as a country - as a people - I don't think we've hit the mark as we could have.
I digress. That turned into a tangent, and I'm sorry. Honest thoughts that found their way here. I could edit them out, but this blog is my mind, and I assume you are reading it to glimpse into my insanity. Back to Christmas. There was a lot of good that came from it, and I think that a lot of what turned out good was because of the skills I had the time to perfect given the circumstances of the world. In lockdown and distancing, I got better at baking and cooking and meal preparation. I can say with absolute pride that this big meal that I made for my family (leftovers delivered at the doors of my grandparents, so I had the excuse to make a lot of food) was done with the best timing of any other meal I had made. Everything finished at the right time, the same time, and was served all hot without something having gotten cold while waiting for the rest. So yay for that!
Also in this time of lockdown (or close as we got to tit for the most part), I learned a lot about voice recording and video recording software for my little author line and online marketing. With that, I made audio CD's for my family with me singing. It was a lot of fun, and I do hope that they enjoyed it. I never would have thought myself capable of creating something like that. Sure, I need a better microphone, but this year has taught me that anything and everything can be done and improved with just a little initiative. So better things to come; anything is possible.
So now 'tis the day after Christmas. The kids are around me playing with all they were blessed with. They missed seeing their cousins and family too, but they are resilient. If I focus on how much this is going to affect them later in life, I will go mad; so I won't. Instead, I'll marvel with pride at all they can do with their constant hope and boundless energy (so much energy!). With the craziness (mostly) behind us now, and the season complete, the recalibrating goes into effect. I will start on book #3 and try to pull myself up past the little block that I'm struggling with. I know where I want to go, it's the starting that's getting hard for me. We'll get there. It's happening.
All my love to you. I know that we are all struggling. If you made sacrifices, if you listened to all that's being said for the good of us all and it caused your heart to break a little, know that I am proud. I suffer with you. I know that seeing others living the life that you wish you could with the risks that experts beg us not to take is the worst. It's hard enough to do what must be done without having to see those who do not do it. Know that you are not alone; I am here with you. Hope is slow coming, but it is not dead. The end could be in sight; let's hang in there together.