Hit Too Close to Home

As I write this, I have my 90-year-old grandfather fighting the one thing we were trying desperately to keep away from him. Somehow the Virus that has brought this year to its knees and has shaken all of us to the very core found its way to my grandfather. Though I know that he is as tough as they come, he is still a man in a body that has seen 90 whole years on Earth. In so many ways, this has been devastating.

This whole year has been marked by sacrifices too great to bear, and yet we all find ourselves continuing on. It was been over nine months since I've been able to hug my sister - a woman I love more than life. That one small fact alone has been enough to cry myself to sleep more nights than I can count. She has been such a huge part of who I am; I draw a good deal of my strength from her. And although we talk often and video chat...I think we can all agree that it is just not enough for the people we truly care about. I had my group that would come over to my house once a week, we would all get to watch videos and play games together, and my kids got to hug their aunts and uncles life gave us. Although we video chat...it's not the same.

It's not all been gloom, certainly. My department at work has moved to be work from home permanently. That in itself has been a major boost to my life. While it's a hardship on most, and for those people I do grieve for what they are losing having the office as a place to go and work, I will admit that it has given me so much to be grateful for. I work now from my mom's house as mine is too small to live and work. This means I get to see her everyday, and she's only a few minutes away. I am blessed to have her. If this pandemic took my ability to see her away, I think that would be the one thing that would finally break me irreparably.

My kids have suffered so much, though. We don't get to go do things like we used to. They don't get to see other kids. They are stuck in a small house with the only thing to look forward to in order to break the monotony is my mom's house and my mother-in-law to watch them as my husband does classes. And that is another thing! My husband has gone absolutely bananas these years as a stay-at-home father. While he loves it and does so well with it, there's something to be said for adult interaction. When he finally decided to finish his degree, he gained that back. He came alive again! Then Covid hit, and he finished the latter half of his first semester sequestered away again. This semester has also been completely remote. They have zoom classes....but it's not the same.

Nothing but sacrifice. It's not fair. I see so many people go out recklessly untouched by all of this. I haven't been to a sit down restaurant in over 9 months! I'm not saying I wish harm on them or they catch this virus as a result of their Mask Hate or reckless actions. This has all been too hard, and some people had to give somewhere. I understand that. But in the same kindness I extend towards those other and offer empathy if not understanding, I want to extend that same kindness to me. It's not fair! It's not fair that I kept so far away from the people I love. It's not fair I didn't get to see my grandpa as much as I wanted to, and he still got Covid! It's not fair I also don't get the outlets of getting out and going places that feeds my soul so much. I did my part to keep my community safe, and my family gets stricken!

Now the best I can hope for is that the universe and God take some pity and reward me and mine for all the sacrifices we made, the hurt in our hearts, and the longing, burning ache in our souls to see my grandpa come out of this alive. He's doing well for now, but if there's anything this Virus has shown is that there are lasting effects. I pray those won't make him suffer down the road as well.

Most of the people who will read this will already have been doing all they can to reduce our numbers. Most people who read this have already sacrificed so much and continue to sacrifice every day. I get that. However, if there is even a small chance that this story reaches someone who just cannot stand to keep the mask over their mouth AND nose or just HAS to go out when they could wait just a little bit longer for a sit down, I'll take it. Think of my grandpa. Think that every few cases is someone's EVERYTHING. That's what this man is to me; he's my everything. Please remember that the next time you think it might be too hard to take that meal home instead of sitting in. Think of my grandpa the next time you think that the mask is just too hot. Think of mine and think of yours.